Receiving the Gift My Father Has Offered Me
July 9, 2009
3:49 a.m. I don’t know why I’m staying up at this time of morning, except that it feels like Christmas, and I am filled with love for God and from God. A “Power greater than myself” is waiting for me every morning that I choose to forgive and dismiss the first impulse that seizes me which is to start thinking negative, pressured, worried thoughts. Some of them–the negative thoughts–I’m able to recognize the lie of immediately. Some mornings, I have to bring them with me to the Lord, to God, to Christ, and seek His/Their counsel and assurance (comfort).
This morning, I knelt and I said aloud to the Father (using proper prayer language and all, . . . I think. I was pretty focused on what I was saying–pouring out my heart with all the honesty I could muster, . . . so I might have used a “You” instead of a “Thou” a couple of times.), “Father, I don’t know what to do, this morning. I don’t understand why You . . .” (yep, there’s the supposedly too improper pronoun. I guess I did use it. But, you know what? I didn’t perceive my Heavenly Father even pick up on it. I think maybe He was really listening to my heart, more than to my lips. I think He was as into my honesty as I was.) Anyway, as I was saying, “Father, I don’t know what to do this morning. I don’t understand why You wake me up every morning after only 5-5 ½ hours sleep.” I’m reminded that it’s been going on for years, decades at this point, and it’s been a thousand times more a spiritual blessing than it has been a physical hardship. And even if getting so little sleep meant that I was paying a physical price, would I rather have it the other way–trade the spiritual away to obtain the physical? Not for a millisecond. There’s a shared smile and a hug (in and through the Spirit to spirit connection of course. I do have to admit that I see and hear and even feel Him, though, with my spiritual and not my carnal mind (D&C 67:10; Moses 1:11) and senses, and that memory, once filed in my brain is just as plain and clear, just as “real” as any memory of a past mortal experience), . . . and I’m invited to arise and shine forth as one with my Jesus (2 Nephi 33:6).
Every new morning, I check in with my Father and seek only one thing from Him–this Jesus of whom the prophets have written (Ether 12:41)–and every new morning the Father, with joy and rejoicing, gives me to His Son (D&C 50:41-42) and His Son to me–and testifies to me that I am not offending Him in the least to speak directly to His Son (Alma 36:18; 3 Nephi 19:22) and to listen directly to His Son (Matt. 17:5; 3 Nephi 11:7; JS-History 1:17.) And, in fact, that is exactly what He (my Heavenly Father) had been intending from the Beginning and trying to arrange between Jesus and I all along.
And once again, it’s Christmas morning. Christ is here and I am born again, His daughter, . . . but oh, so much more, His Friend. He becomes, for yet one more day, Everything to me. “Unto me a child is born, unto me a Son is given, . . . and the government of my life today, shall be upon His shoulders.” Even if that “government of my life” isn’t perfect. Even if, as the child I am, I blunder and fall short of doing the exact right thing every moment–even if there turns out to be lots to forgive in me today. He teaches me how. Why? Because He has taken the government (the management) of my life upon His shoulders from the Beginning, before I was born–in fact, before the world began. He’s had me covered from the beginning. Does knowing that make me want to run out and sin? Run out and drown myself in unhealthy, not-right, addictive or compulsive behaviors? No. In fact, exactly the opposite effect settles into my heart. My addictive urges ebb–slacken, drop off–to a degree that I can choose to forgive them and not follow them. How and why does this happen? It happens because, as I allow myself to come unto Christ and receive His living presence into my consciousness, such a degree of hope and peace and such a sense of fullness and satisfaction–knowing that He (and my Father who provided Him–my Savior) love me this much comes over me, I’m fortified, strengthened. The “hole in my soul” is healed in the coming of Christ, again, this morning.
I am filled with awareness of my Father and my Savior’s love in providing this “high-adventure, wilderness camp” experience called mortality; to help me plan the perfect plan of what challenges and what experiences would help me grow the most while I’m here; and then–above and beyond everything else–to pay ahead of time for any “train wrecks” I got into or even that I caused. And in return, I have to do just one thing: humble myself before Him and bring my goof-ups to Him. Bring everything to Him. My jumping-for-joy moments, and my pits-of-hell moments–even if I’m the one that got myself into hell.
Anyway, it’s a new morning, and I’m being invited by my dearest and nearest and very best Friend to open His next gift to me now–in this new hour. When the morning’s festivities and gift-giving and gift-enjoying has slowed down a bit–maybe after lunch–I’ll probably catch a nap. After all, the old gray mare ain’t what she used to be, and by the grace of God, catching a nap is a doable thing in my life.
Oh, and what’s my gift to Him? A believing heart and total trust that He meant it when He promised, “I will not leave you comfortless. I (myself) will come to you.” (John 14:18)
Thanks for letting me share, . . .
As I read this post, I found a greater desire to get up in the morning, no matter how hard it might be. I’ve even found a willingness to set the alarm. In order to do this, I will need to go to bed earlier, but I think that can fall into place too.
Your post was so eye opening to me. I too wake up many mornings with a fear and anxiety gripping me. I thought that this meant that maybe I was pursuing the wrong path in life or that God was somehow displeased with me. I have often heard many LDS teachers say that the morning time is when the Spirit visits them the most, and so since my mornings have been so difficult I assumed that something was not right with me. I appreciated being able to relate to you. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Coba and EP, for your comments. I am so grateful to know that something I’m offering/sharing is being an encouragement to others. CCH